Musings: “Self-Improvement Addiction,” A Powerful Masculine Touch

The past couple months I've been feeling a profound deepening in my evolution. I've transitioned to solidness and calmness in my presence. And this has led to much stronger and more relaxed connections. I'm connected to my strong, attractive core. There's still some anxiety and limiting beliefs I'm releasing on, but the energy is so strong and positive now, it feels amazing.

I've placed more attention on my true passion of fiction writing and I've connected with that inspiration and joy of creativity. I'm stepping powerfully into erotic writing and that's serving as the nexus between my personal evolution and my creative path, the intersection of my erotic, masculine evolution and my creative purpose. This has been a source of energy and growth for me – my second chakra is glowing, radiating.

I've been challenging a lot of established patterns in my life, particularly my relationship to "inner game" and all the self-improvement stuff out there. I've been on a lot of mailing lists, read a lot of emails from "gurus," and I don't feel it's serving me well anymore. For me, all of these "make yourself better" things were feeding into a belief that something was wrong with me that needed to be "fixed" before I could go out and take action. I needed something to get to the place where I could feel strong, powerful, sexy, relaxed, fulfilled.

Later I began using them as a way to gain insight into better Internet marketing. And "maybe I'll get something useful" out of this. So I gave all this up, got myself off the marketing mail lists and deleted the emails. I'm far from perfect, but I really don't need this shit. It's felt good letting all that go.

As I let go of the "self- improvement addiction," I gave myself those things I was looking for in a more powerful way. And I welcomed my "imperfections" without judgment. It led me to question the energy I'd been putting into helping others, especially since I was getting so much out of my fiction writing. Was this even on my path anymore?

I came to the truth that it is a part of my life path, but not as a goal unto itself. My evolutionary insight is a byproduct of my following my true path. In other words, when I let go of "doing self-improvement" and focus my energies on being where I want to be, doing what I want to do, the breakthroughs and epiphanies happen – and I love sharing those insights and breakthroughs.

So that's where I'm at. I'm realizing I'm less the teacher and more the careful observer of my own life's journey, sharing highlights of my journey and life lessons along the way, contributing to the body of knowledge for the benefit of others. Sometimes I get enough good shit together to make a book, sometimes it's an article. But in every case, it only occurs when I'm on a bigger path.

So what's the latest "byproduct?" I was at the gym, totally in my center, feeling very relaxed and powerful. I pressed my hands together - think Namaste, but a lot more pressure, as it was actually a wrist exercise – and felt this warm, strong energy in my hands, a sense of warmth and solidness.

Have you ever had a man who was really solid and commanded respect put his hand on you? A father or grandfather, or some strong authority figure? There's something just in feeling the way they touch with their hands that gives you a feeling of calm and security. It's a touch that's powerfully reassuring and inspiring. It feels really good to receive that touch, and I think every man either has a man in his life who gave him that connection or craves that masculine strength and energy. And here it was, I was feeling that awesome touch – and it was me!

And it was powerful. I wasn't suddenly "Mr. Perfectly Awesome Man," I have my fuckups, but after that, it felt like, yah, I've got this shit I'm working on, but they're not that big of a deal. Even with these imperfections, I can give this powerful touch to other people, and myself. I can reassure and inspire myself in a way that wasn't possible before that moment.

I've been playing a lot with that since then – healing my chakras with my hands, pressing my hands together, drawing strength from that touch, finding ways to touch others physically with that intention and that energy. The last part is still a work-in-process, but as far as inner strength and self-assurance, it's been powerful.

The thing is, I didn't "do" anything to discover that feeling, I just noticed it. Was it always there and now I'm open to it? Were there other shifts that happened that opened up this pathway? Was I just finally ready to step into this role? I don't know. What I do know is it's a whole new level of energy and awareness. I'm going to continue to develop this awareness and see where it leads.