Crossing Over Into a New Me

A couple days ago, I posted a frustrated entry about how I was making all this progress but wasn't "being sexy."  That day, I saw Destin Gerek and it was time to make the shift.  He asked if I was ready to make the change, and, boy, was I, because I'm totally on the other side now.

He took me through an exercise where I said goodbye to the "old me" and stepped into "Dark Knight," actually embodied him completely.  When I stepped into Dark Knight and felt that shift, I looked back at my old self and it was like the reverse of how I'd been looking at "Dark Knight" all this time.

The transformation's been… wow.  I'm still at times feeling a little "dizzy" from the mindset shift, that's how profound it's been.  Immediately after the session I felt the difference.  I noticed it even when I was shooting a testimonial video for the Orgasmic Mastery course.  I used to HATE the way I came off in videos, I always looked stiff and awkward.  Looked really solid in these ones.  I was openly expressive when I got back in the office, just a different feeling.

I've completely shifted my thinking on a lot of things.  My mindset isn't that I'm "aspiring to be sexy" or "becoming more sexy," but I just am, I feel it very openly and authentically.  That colors everything.  All the past worries about comparing myself to other men, doubting myself, all the old insecurities about what my wife's thinking about me, or what any woman is thinking about me, have become this abstract idea instead of this emotionally-charged concept.  I found myself thinking "oh yeah, I used to worry about what she's really thinking… huh… weird," and just moving on.

On the outside, the changes might seem more subtle – or not, to some people – but there's this freedom from inhibitions, that what I'm doing is out of choice.  There's connecting without reaching.

Sex felt so… free.  This feeling had been building for a while, but it was a total cross-over to this place where I was just in the moment, guiding us on the wave, letting the energy carry us, instead of this feeling of having to direct things to happen, or not happen.  In that place, anything can happen and it's all… amazing, stepping into a whole new level as a man and a lover.

I'm still just beginning to integrate this, feel into that freedom and letting go.  I'm just starting to get right with the concept that being an amazing lover was never about being something different, but about fully being and sharing myself, and giving her space to fully be herself, that the only hard part about getting to that level is letting go of the outside BS.

I'm finding myself in this strange and awesome place where I'm asking myself what am I going to do now with my energy, where do I go for a challenge.  I don't ever again have to prove myself or look for approval.  Feeling sexy and getting that desire is easy, so what do I do for a challenge now?  If I know and feel how sexy and desirable I am, and feel it all around me every day, what should I do now with that part of me which was spending all this energy trying to feel sexy, trying to feel like an amazing lover?

I can actually put my energy toward real challenges, instead of imaginary challenges I'd been creating for myself.  That's a cool new feeling!  Yet it also feels like the way things were supposed to be all along.  From here, it feels silly that I ever did doubt myself or believe the BS.  Whole different perspectives and priorities are emerging.  And this is just the beginning of my awesome new life.