End Goal: Just Completely Being Myself

I was checking out the "Bad Boy With a Heart" forum and saw some very cool stuff. One of the guys posted some links to a Thai singer, Palmy. She's really something. Here are links to a couple videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSeRAQ0DMho&feature=related
(skip to about 2:35 on this first one, as that's when she starts singing)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K84OwSM7kcI

They're moving for me because I can see the pure essence of this woman (aside from the fact she's a very good singer), it's very touching. If I were in the presence of a woman with energy like that, I would be drawn to her and feel very comfortable opening up to her. I'd want to get close to her. I'd want to sleep with her. I've come accross that energy in women far less attractive and felt that "pull." Heck, I felt it and it was just a video. The second one actually made me tear up. She inspires me to want to appreciate women more completely.

So I'm seeing that just being that man, the male counterpart to this, the pure, unique masculine Yang to Palmy's elegantly feminine Yin, getting rid of all the BS, completely trusting myself, completely accepting myself as a man, as a sexual man, as the individual I am, the sacred soul, all of that, it's the path to true attractiveness. Not to mention the path to happiness.

And that's where I started this year, the realization that I need to rid myself of the BS, let go, be completely myself without any doubt or judgment, love myself, women and the world, and put myself out there for the world to enjoy. And after weeks of affirmations, some cool breakthroughs and now this, I can see that path even more clearly.

And the more I become that "essential me," the happier my life is becoming and the more naturally sexy I am being.

So this is another guidepost on that road. And the destination:

"Completely let go of all doubt and fear and proudly put all of myself out there for the world to enjoy."

Love Myself, Believe in Myself, Love my Life, Believe It'll Happen

I had one really cool experience this weekend, actually a couple. Saturday we were out shopping and women were totally checking me out, I was barely noticing. That evening we went to dinner and, again, tons of attention from women, again I wasn't doing anything. I think my wife was secretly getting pissed. I was actually getting a little self-conscious from all the obvious attention I was getting there.

I've been realizing that this stuff really works, but the key is focusing. Focus on loving myself and believing in myself, which creates groundedness. The stronger these two elements are, the less of the insecurities that pop up, because I'm taking care of myself and I know I can handle whatever happens. And criticism and others' negativity doesn't matter, I'm solid.

Focus on loving my life right now. I realize I came into this with the BS notion that there was something "wrong" with me, that if I "fixed" it I would be "happy." This is the SALES MODEL the people use to get guys to buy programs. Create an insecurity, then show a cure for the newfound "problem."

Once I realized that I'm great the way I am and really started loving and appreciating my life as it is, that changed everything. There is no "path to happiness," you're either happy or you're not. That's it. So be happy now. This is such an awesome mindset - gratitude and appreciation - because it just automatically focuses me on doing and enjoying the things I love about my life and bringing more of those things into my life.

See, it's not about deluding yourself, it's about just loving life and then growing from there. I want more attraction from women, more sexuality, more passion, more beautiful women. I want more of those qualities inside me that attract women. I want more of that lifestyle that incorporates the things that I love. But my life right now is fucking awesome. I have those things in my life now, it's about expanding out and inviting more in. There's nothing to "fix."

So I've really focused on being good to myself, on being my best friend. It's been a cool experience, just a lot less pressure and stress, more enjoyment, more relaxed and grounded. And chicks seem to dig the whole "happy, relaxed, grounded and enjoying life" thing. Not that I give a shit, which is also the point. I'm really living my life for me now.

And finally, believing it'll happen - believing in the Law of Attraction. Accepting that I create my own reality and then letting go. It's getting away from the external frame of reference, getting away from attachment, neediness, the need for approval, confirmation or validation. Just acceptance.

I'm not saying I'm all the way to Zen yet. I still fall back on my old habits, and there's still a whole lot of "no" there, so it's a process. But I have to say, the moments when I am there are awesome, becoming more frequent and lasting longer. And I remember what they're like. And often I can get myself back in that state of mind. It's a very good place to be, the best place I've been in a long, long time.

AMAZING Life Changes!

I've written these long-winded journals, which may or may not make sense to readers. I'm sure readers are wondering if I've gone completely "woo-woo" Inner Game or whatever.

What I can say is I've been doing a lot of work on myself and it's been creating AMAZING shifts, both inside and out.

I can tell you from personal experience that everything Cory Skyy has to say about being able to attract women with just your eye contact is 100% true. And I can tell you, as I've gone six weeks into his affirmation work, it's happening for me. I'm spending about three hours a week going out into the "real world," doing things that I enjoy that I haven't been doing, being around women and, when I'm in alignment and giving off my positive energy, the reaction from women (actually from the world) has been incredible.

So what things am I doing? Going to coffee shops, walking around my work plaza area (there's a nice fountain garden accross the street), taking my time shopping at cool supermarkets like Whole Foods, going to the Santa Monica Pier on a sunny day, Farmers Market, strolling around the Westside Pavillion, exploring places I haven't been in Santa Monica/ WLA. So it's all "day game" stuff (lunch break mostly, although sometimes after work). I may go to the bar for happy hour once in a while. I'm enjoying myself, enjoying being around people, just seeing what feels good and makes me happy, enjoying the vibe and not giving a shit about the outcome. I've done *zero* night game (clubs, etc.) where women are actively going out and looking for me.

So what I've found, since I started this, is the women who were "cold" and "unapprochable" before I started this are now "open," "friendly," and "interested" far more often. No, I'm not doing full-on seduction because, well, I'm still married. But the door's certainly wide open. Thanks to what I'm doing, I'm fully confident that I could have a very full dating life without ever staying out past 7:00 pm to look for women.

And as far as the marriage front goes, let's just say she's WAAAAYYYYY more into me. She even said something recently about how I seemed more "grounded" and "confident," and she's been attacking me with a ferocity I haven't seen at any point in this relationship. Her needle's moved a long ways from "tired" to "horny."

I could go on with my "results," but if the only criteria you're using to judge success is the number of lay reports, then you'll probably think I'm full of shit. Fine. If all you're looking for is what to say at what time, then you and I are operating in different universes and this blog is probably not a good use of your time.

I started this year 2009 with the intention of letting all the BS go, of getting all the negativity out of my life, of being my real self. I started this process on my own, then started using Cory Skyy's "Magnetic Mindset" CDs and the intensive affirmation program. I started seeing some shifts and also feeling where the resistance was coming from.

I've learned how to identify resistance and to better deal with it. Through studying Non-Violent Communication, I've learned how to more completely feel my emotions and not fear them as much. I used some exercises from Hypnotica's "Ultimate Inner Game" to work through resistances and reinforce positive mindsets. I also meditated using some meditations from his "Reinventing Yourself" program.

I felt more confident. I felt more sexy. And I felt the WALL. So about three weeks ago the universe brought me in contact with David Cameron Gikandi and his remarkable ebook "How to Live With Yourself and Automatically and Simply Love Yourself to Pure Freedom..." (he needs to come up with a shorter title), and using this began working through some blockages that had been holding me back for as long as I could remember.

I had all this pent-up anger over my wife's exes. I used a technique in the book to find the emotional "root" of these feelings, accept the emotion, find what it was that was causing the emotion, embrace and accept it and... WHOA! A giant emotional, physical and spiritual breakthrough!

I spent the next two days feeling this rush of energy flow through my chakras, waves of ecstacy. It was like an emotional and spiritual dam had been released. I felt... amazing. My "issues" with my perception of inadequacy were gone, that part of me was now an ally. I felt totally grounded when it came to sex, issues of the past, how I saw myself, it was a rebirth.

After a couple days, the shift transformed into a deep masculine energy and I could feel my own magnetic pull. I could feel I was attracting women, turning them on with just my eyes.

Then I fell ill, which was my body getting rid of years of toxic energy. I sweated out the fever, got my strength back and started feeling "normal" again (I don't think I could just walk around feeling waves of ecstacy all the time, it's actually a little distracting and "heady"), and then I'd just look at women and without even realizing it I'm pulling them toward me.

I've felt much more grounded, less angry and stressed, more calm, happier and appreciative of the world around me. Life is just happier, and not because I'm suddenly a seducin' fool, but because I'm being my best self and seeing just how amazing that is.

Remember "Big SPG?" Well, this is "BIG SPG." Really big.

I've been using a Kundalini meditation once a day, to augment the spiritual growth process, along with the Hypnotica and the other work, all within the framework of Cory Skyy's program. It's been fucking incredible! Just today I added some EFT work to unblock the chakras and aid in the release of resistance.

Just today, I had another release, this one over the issue of high school. I had a pretty unhappy high school experience (as probably every guy in the community has had, or we wouldn't be here, right?), while my wife was the cheerleader and had a great high school life. This used to bother me, the whole concept of seeing people having awesome high school experiences - even watching "High School Musical" with my older son used to bring up issues!

So I went through the exercises from the loooong-named book mentioned above, did some EFT and - WHAMO! So I've got that cool "flowing sensation" running through my chakras again. I have been working on these"issues" for a LIFETIME!

Oh, and a super-cute girl at the gym fell off her treadmill in distraction from our awesome eye contact connection. Then there was the beautiful girl at work in the elevator. I can't tell you how "eye game" works, because I'm not "doing" anything, except a shitload of work on myself, and those are the only results I care about right now. All I can say is it does work, and it might have something to do with who I'm being on the inside... and gee, wasn't that what Cory was saying in the first place??

Shifts, Epiphanies, Breakthroughs and Illnesses

Last week was cool. I had these major epiphanies and shifts.

I went through the program from an ebook I recently purchased and damn if it didn’t work. I was feeling resentment over my wife's exes and I went through the process and suddenly felt this huge shift. I actually started crying and then the negative feeling was gone, replaced with this calmness. I could feel energy flowing through me and started feeling waves of ecstasy.

I went home and had incredible sex, all the self-consciousness was gone. After about a day of feeling this “flowing” feeling, but also feeling kind of “heady” and detached, like I was observing myself too much, I was working out at the gym and decided to look myself in the eye while I worked out. I felt a surge of masculine energy and found myself carrying around this power right in my diaphragm.

I started just saying and doing things in command, without thought. I felt more power and aggression in my actions and eye contact.

Then I started feeling sick, I felt a cold come on Thursday, get really bad Friday, then subside Saturday, but felt uneasy in my stomach. I also felt like I was regressing from these huge breakthroughs, because I was focused on my illness. Saturday night I had chills. Sunday morning I felt good enough to make love to my wife, but barely. I was clinging to the “okay” feeling all day Sunday and then Sunday evening broke out in a fever, chills, miserable abdominal pain centered around my solar plexus, or my third chakra. By Monday morning, the fever had broke and I was feeling okay to work, although a little weak. Monday night I even woke up with intense chest pains which felt like waves of pressure running through my ribcage (not a heart attack, just chest pains I get sometimes when I have a fever).

By Tuesday morning (yesterday) I was pretty much back and feeling good, gave my wife and good hard screw and got through a difficult day at work.

Today I was feeling better than I had before the breakthroughs, but a lot of resistance and the old feelings of anger, rivalry, jealousy and lack of power. I also touched on a feeling that I could be replaced. So I have some things to work on.

I’m convinced that the illnesses, while real, were also my body working through things and trying to release the resistance. Although it was draining and not fun to go through, I feel everything in me is now working to get rid of those old beliefs and blockages. That huge breakthrough last week actually led to my illness, which was my body releasing the crap that I’ve been holding onto all this time.

My release seemed to be focused mostly in my third and fourth chakras (solar plexus and heart), where I’ve been carrying a lot of tension and resistance. I found myself thinking things like “if I’m going to really be my real, bad-ass self, shouldn’t I at least give my wife a chance, and see how things go between her and Big SPG?” Seems reasonable, right? Actually try things out as the ideal me for a while, then see where I should go, instead of just assuming that she’s part of the BS that I need to get rid of.

So I feel a regression in that I don’t feel as powerful and open as I did last week, but that’s not because I’m backsliding, it because everything in me is working to make the transformation into “Big SPG” real and permanent. So there are going to be physical symptoms in the short term. There are also going to be other resistances that come up as the evolution continues. This is a wild trip.

Freedom!

I was going through my "football field" exercises this morning, internalizing the realization that I'm on my own, my own man, responsible for my own life, beholden to nobody. Affirming that I love and believe in myself, I accept myself completely, and that I love women and women love me.

After I went through that I felt comfortable with my "alone-ness," and that happy alne feeling is the freedom from the burden that I'm seeking.

I AM FREE

-Free of being dependent on mom and women in my life.
-Free of being held down by attachments to women.
-Free of feeling I need a woman's approval.
-Free of the fear of new woman
-Free to be myself, love myself and love women with an open heart
-Free to just live my life the way I want to, all the time, no matter what
-Free of the past
-Free of all the old beliefs that society imposed on me
-There is nothing to lose--I am EVERYTHING!!

Follow Up on Turning Point

One thing I was going to say about this "realization," I came to this realization and felt the huge sticking point yesterday. I challeneged it and thought about it last night as I was coming home from work. I did affirmations on it.

And the resistence here is strong, I felt an instant "off my game" feeling, very nervous, lots of self-doubt. I also felt headaches and very, very tired. It manifested into my sexual performance, which had been going great up to that point. I had insomnia, after feeling so tired I could barely move, one thought after another, and that hasn't happened in a while, either. I had intense nightmares and woke up with a headache.

I did mirror affirmations this morning and kept working at the "I love myself" and the "new women." I even had trouble coming up with things to write in my gratitude and confirmation affirmations.

Then I wrote the last blog post and it kind of put everything out there in black and white. I couldn't hid behind it anymore. Just doing that gave me some peace. I went to the Westside Galleria and it felt so great - great connections, great responses, everybody seemed friendly, women were checking me out and everything. So much different than Monday.

So it's clear this is a *BIG DEAL* and that I've been hiding behind it, or maybe largely unaware. Maybe I didn't want to admit that my own mother had failed me in a big way and that I needed to reject her to be my best self. It's clear I have a lot of attachment to these false beliefs and it's going to take some big changes to get through this.

It's also clear that, when I get through this, that's when there will be some giant shifts both in my internal state and what I attract in the physical world. Not to mention the fact that I'll finally be a man and actually have a mature approach to women and relationships.

Stay tuned.

Embracing Change, Letting Go of Fear and Dependance: The Major Turning Point in My Life is Here

I’ve documented the resistance I’ve been experiencing as I’ve gone through these “Magnetic Mindset” affirmations. I’ve noticed that in many respect, my life and attitude is improving dramatically, but in certain other aspects, particularly with regard to bringing new women into my life, there’s been a blockage.

Monday I came across an eBook claiming to cure resistance of this sort, “How to Life With Yourself and Automatically and Simply Love Yourself to Pure Freedom…” by David Cameron Gikandi. (www.imagesofone.com). This eBook spoke to me. I haven’t finished it yet, but it’s already started things really moving in my mind, and I’m convinced it showed up on my radar at just this time for just this reason.

One of the things it talks about is how we have these emotional blockages, resistance, which are the result of arrested development in some aspect of our psyche. This isn’t a profound thought, but the way it fits in line with the “Big Me, Little Me” work I’ve been doing is remarkable. That, plus the work I’m doing with affirmations to replace the old beliefs with new ones, tells me this is the time.

All this comes just as I’ve come to the realization that my relationship with my mother as that of a child to a parent is over, and that it’s been over for quite some time now. This brings me to my HUUUUUGE sticking point.

All of my long term relationships with women have been based on childlike thinking. I see women one of two ways, the “universal woman,” or the unknown, is scary and unattainable. I feel inadequate next to the “universal woman” and fear being judged, rejected or shown that I am inadequate.

So why do I automatically see women as negative, judgmental, scary people who want to hurt and reject me? Because my mom, although loving and an overall good mother, was and still is negative, critical, judgmental, hurtful, controlling and conditional in her showing of love and affection. Because so much of this happened when I was little, and just carried over into my adult life, I couldn’t see it and it took me a long time to accept the truth. Mom won’t just love and accept me unconditionally for who I am.

I have grown up thinking that there must either be something wrong with me or with women, that either I’m unattractive the way I am or women are just mean, hurtful creatures to be kept at arms’ length if not further. Because my mom is judgmental and conditional in her love, I assume all women are judgmental and conditional in their love as well. So I approach women with an attitude of judgment, caution, and skepticism.

I also have believed deep down that I am not lovable and attractive just the way I am. So I either have to be something that I’m not, hide the real me, or get by on my innate qualities (my looks and the biological fact that women need men sexually) in order to have women in my life. I can’t expect women to love me unconditionally, because my mom never did. I can expect that, if women discover the “real me,” they will at some point admit that they hate that real me and reject me, assuming they can overcome their innate needs.

With that mindset, meeting new women is a scary, negative experience. I either have to go in trying to be someone else or (in most cases) just hiding myself altogether and putting out the part of me I know at least some women will like – my looks and “male qualities.”

When I find a woman, I assume she either wants me purely as a desperate woman who needs a man in her life or she just thinks I’m super cute. If, at some point, she shows signs of actually liking the person inside me, I then switch to the other side and become attached. I mean, my own mother didn’t love me like that, so why would this woman who barely knows me? She must be a one of a kind!

So I become attached and dependent on her. I look to her to take care of me, to give me the unconditional love that I need and don’t think I can get from myself or a woman, and show her a ton of affection and attachment early on.

The thing is, despite my crappy beliefs, I am a great guy inside. Usually, the woman sees that, feels my response to her and… falls in love. At that point, she becomes my “new mommy.” I depend on her, I stop looking for other women (who are scary), I assume she’s the best thing I could find, I use her to escape from responsibility and become very, very attached to her.

Also, in the back of my mind, there is a worry that she isn’t really in love with the “real me,” that it’s either my looks, my masculine qualities, or both (or she’s desperate and there’s something wrong with her). I become jealous, possessive and worried about our future. I push things along faster than I should, concerned primarily with keeping her in my life, not on whether I actually want her in my life.

Sex is very important to me, and there is a usual pattern. The “first time” almost always sucks (although this wasn’t true with my current wife). I justify this in my mind by saying that I need to “warm up” to a woman, but now I see this as my own test of the woman. A lousy first time is my way of getting an investment from the woman; the payout for her patience and support is much better sex later. That way, subconsciously, I know she’s committed to me and not just interested in a quick screw.

While consciously I think having more one night stands, flings, fuck buddies and temporary sexual relationships would be desirable, actually I do the exact things to push those sorts of relationships out of my life and attract commitment. In my mind, I can show this as proof women aren’t that into me and justify my low self-esteem. Also, by avoiding the short-term situations, I avoid having to face the scary prospect of dealing with the scary, unknown woman.

So relationships have been a way for me to get the unconditional acceptance I lack from Mom, avoid the fear of cruel judgment from the universal “woman,” get comfort and security, and, in a severely compromised way, get the sexual satisfaction and feminine energy that I truly need as a man.

I give this woman power and in exchange I get comfort and security. I allow myself to be bossed around and manipulated. I want to seek approval from her. I want to seek permission from her. I want to feel obligated to her and to feel that I don’t have autonomy. I want that because that feels like the comfortable state I had as a child, where I was taken care of by my mother.

This would explain why I have a thing for older women and why I particularly fear younger women in my life, even though the younger women I’ve dated in the past have been wonderful.

So for me, being in a committed relationship, not meeting other women, being in a very close and controlling relationship, is childlike thinking. While society considers “settling down” to be mature, in my case my desire for marriage stemmed from my inability to face my fear of “women” and learn to be comfortable with women in a mature manner. For me, not being in a serious relationship, being on my own and meeting and dating many new women would be a mature development. This would be moving from dependence on a woman for nurturing, comfort, security and control to taking responsibility for my own life, independence, self-comfort, self-assurance and overcoming my fear of “women” and learning to be comfortable with women in my life.

Up to now, while I’ve resented it, I’ve wanted to be controlled. I’ve wanted to have my freedom restricted, because this meant I didn’t have to take responsibility. I didn’t have to face the fear of relying on myself to do things. This might even carry over to my preference for female bosses, to be mothered. I’ve noticed that I tend to be more irresponsible at work under a female boss, reverting to an adolescence.

The key to growth for me, then, is to face my fears, be my own man, believe in myself, love myself so I don’t need reassurance from a woman, and overcome my fear of women.

I need to move from dependence on and fear of women to love and appreciation of women. I need to move from “Little Me” to “Big Me.”

The first step is what I’m doing right now – acknowledging what I’m doing and how it came about. The second step is to recognize that my old beliefs about myself and women are false and to fully realize this is not how I want to live my life. The third step is to let go of my old beliefs and fully and completely love, accept and appreciate myself, to let go of the dependence, doubt and fear and embrace love and acceptance of myself. The final step is to replace my fear of women with love and appreciation, grounded in unshakable love for myself, and to change my relationship with women to be in alignment with my new belief.

So step 1 – That’s this. Read this over daily and let the reality sink in.

Step 2 – Let go of my old beliefs and attachments. Let go of mommy, let go of my wife, let go of any other attachments to women based on dependence. Forgive Mom. Forgive myself.

Step 3 – Completely love, accept and appreciate myself, my masculinity, my desires and my life. Make it my highest priority to give myself to love and acceptance that I’ve felt I deserved from Mom but never received. I’m doing this part now through affirmations and positive thinking. Just keep doing this, allow only positive thoughts, and treat myself well at every opportunity.

Step 4 – Reframe my belief of women. Women are human beings just like me. Just like me, they love and want to be loved and appreciated. New women are an overflowing fountain of love and beauty. Like all people, women have flaws, but for the most part, they’re good at heart. Meeting new women is my way of connecting to the world, connecting to female energy, giving my masculinity to the female world and establishing my independence. It is life energy.

This means aligning my life to be open to accepting new women into my life, and also changing my attitude so I’m also accepting their inevitable departure from my life without negativity. This means creating a life and a mindset where I can bring new women into my life and being authentic about my intentions. It means being open, honest and bold with my sexuality, allowing myself to be a sexual man, allowing and encouraging women to be sexual women, and joyfully embracing that connection without judgment, fear or attachment. I love myself, women love me, we love each other. No attachment, no judgment, nothing but complete acceptance and unconditional love. I just enjoy the process and the flow of energy and emotion. I don’t hold onto it or try and push it away. If she comes and goes quickly, I appreciate it. If she stays for a while, I savor it, and when she goes, I embrace the change like it’s a new sunrise.

So, for me, growing up means doing the thing society would consider “irresponsible.” Giving up the monogamous, dependent relationship for a life of openness and acceptance, full of new experiences and new women. It means saying goodbye to mommy and saying hello to me and to the female world.

Update

I've been dealing with a lot of stress from the ex wife over my older son, not to mention news of his well-being. In spite of that, I'm feeling really good, very calm, peaceful and positive.

I went to the Santa Monica Farmers Market today, walking around Third Street and just felt great, very relaxed, very comfortable. These moments of feeling happy, centered and empowered are coming more frequently and lasting longer as I get into these affirmations. I feel better about myself and can feel I'm attractive to women.

I'm using not only Cory Skyy's affirmations as laid out in his "Magnetic Mindset" program, but also Hypnotica's "Ultimate Inner Game" stuff, namely the "football field" exercise and an alignment exercise. In addition, I recently uploaded David Cameron Gikandi's "How to Live With Yourself and Automaticlaly and Simply Love Yourself," which deals with working through resistance.

It seems my resistance is a few things. First, a fear of embarrassment. Second is a belief that I'm somehow bothering or offending women. Third is a lack of love and acceptance for myself. This last one is pretty big. While my mom is a good mother, her love is conditional and she is very judgmental and negative. I've taken her behavior personally and spent pretty much all my life trying to please her and win her acceptance. I now realize that'll never happen.

That realization has been liberating. I don't need her acceptance. I can fully and completely love and accept myself. I can allow myself to realize that women do love and accept me just the way I am and that the women who come into my life will also love and accept me. I don't need to go looking for it, and I don't lack. I already have all the love and acceptance I need in my life.

So I don't need to assume women will all be critical, like Mom, that they'll reject me or withhold love for me unless I do exactly what they want. I can go ahead and be me, not dependent on women or what they do, fully love myself, and be open to women loving me, too. "Pleasing Mom" is completely off the table. It's up to her to be happy.

I've noticed many positive changes since I let go of my attachment to my mom and fully accepted myself. I've been on my own all this time, and it's great. I can love myself and be proud of myself. I can be my best friend. I've got everything I need, I don't need anything from women. So since I'm not running around begging for approval, I can also accept women as they are, too. I can love women just the way they are, without judgment or expectation, and without their behavior, whether positive or negative, affecting my opinion of myself.

Same with my ex wife. And my wife. And any other women. I finally feel like I'm on my own two feet.

The Affirmations are Working

This weekend very easily could have been a disaster and instead it was an awesome weekend. I could have spent the weekend focusing on the crazy women in my life. My ex wife gets an attorney and demands that my son no longer stay with me every other weekend. My wife and my mom get into an argument and don't want to see each other anymore, despite my telling them how much this petty disagreement pained me and asking them to reconcile.

I could have focused on the things that make me unhappy in my marrige, the lack of sex this week, the draining discussions about my older son, the lack of sleep this week. I could have blamed my affirmations and said they aren't working.

Instead, I received the news that I wouldn't be seeing my older son this weekend, and Saturday I went skydiving. And it was fucking awesome!! It felt so liberating, exciting and centering to be back in the sky. I made a new skydive partner friend at the drop zone. I had a lot of time driving to think about my affirmations and put things into perspective. Later that evening, we went to my wife's friends and had dinner. It was a nice evening.

I could have been angry later that she fell asleep on me, and I kind of was. I also could have been angry that my ex, who had suggested that I see my older son and watch the Super Bowl with him on Sunday, turned around and emailed me that he'd rather spend it with her friends, and that I could see him in the morning. Instead of getting angry, I emailed her and told her it would be in everybody's best interest if I didn't visit at all Sunday. I did some affirmations. I meditated. I went to bed late but I felt a whole lot better.

I was rewarded for my good mood by my wife attacking me Sunday morning. We had a relaxing day, I slept in a little, had a late breakfast, walked around the neghborhood with my little one and we went to friends to watch the Super Bowl.

And the affirmations are attracting women, too. Walking down the street pushign the stroller, I'd get looks from women, we'd make a great connection, and they'd laugh and toss their hair, it happened a few times just walking to the grocery store.

No, women aren't throwing themselves at me yet, after less than four weeks of diligent practice. Instead, I feel more confident, more calm, more in the moment, happier, bad things don't stick, I worry less, and I'm finding women responding a lot better to me. My wife is more into me sexually. I took what as recently as a month ago would have been a sure-fire argument and a disaster of a weekend and turned it into an incredible weekend.

Lately I've been getting out of my comfort zone and checking out new things. I've found some cool places to hang out that work for "putting myself into alignment" and being social. Today I checked out the Westside Pavillion on my lunch break. Nice. If I go there once a week, then the Santa Monica Pier another day once a week, then either walking around here or hanging out at a coffee shop nearby, that's quite a bit right there. Throw in two evening activities, either a bar or coffee shop and maybe Whole Foods, plus whatever regular grocery shopping I do, and that's a pretty full week without a lot of sacrifice to either my job or my family life.

So, no, right now I'm not just having random women all over me like bees to the honeycomb. All I'm doing is feeling a whole lot happier, having more of a life, being more attractive and feeling damn good about myself. I'm seeing that my thinking is becoming more positive and my life is becoming more positive, too.

In fact, the "you must try really really hard" crowd would say it's all in my head, that it's make-believe. Yep. My mindset is positive, I'm feeling more attraction from women and I'm creating better beliefs.