YES, I deserve an awesome sex life!

There's a recurring theme in my dreams. I'll be about to make love to a woman, and she'll either become unattractive, something interferes with the consummation or I wake up. I'm going through these exercises and thining about things. I'm asking myself "How did I end up here?" I wonder why I sometimes sabotage myself in lovemaking, or succumb to self-doubt, when if I just relax and do what's natural, it's spectacular. I wonder why I'm afraid to assert myself sexually and really BE THE MAN.

And it goes back to those dreams, that recurring theme. Subconsciously I still don't believe I deserve an incredible sex life. I've bought into the lie that I'm not the kind of man who has a strong sexuality and who should have a great sex life.

Despite my own self-imposed obsticles, I've been a great lover. Women have been very happy with me. When I have asserted my sexuality, I've given myself a very satisfying love life. But then as this relationship progressed, I started settling for less. I stopped investing in our sex life. I stopped expecting a hot sex life. I started comparing myself to her chumps from the past, instead of challenging myself to have the life I wanted. I caved. I acquiesced. I let her lead. I turned back into a wussy.

Even though I could make myself an awesome life, deep down I didn't believe I deserved it. And I still don't. I still cling to the programming that sex is bad, that my wants and needs are bad, that I have to hide my sexuality, that people will disapprove of me, when reality shows the opposite is true.

But there is a deep, untapped pool of sexual energy inside me. Whenever I come into contact with it, it's powerful. I just scratch the surface and things change all around me - women look at me differently, I carry myself differently, I look at the world and even my disappointing marriage differently. And there is so much more there, untapped, ready to come out, if only I learn to accept and deserve it.

It's a gift from God, a beautiful gift meant to be shared, not some evil thing to be suppressed. When I suppress it, when I accept that I don't deserve it, that there's something wrong with me for wanting these things and thinking and feeling what I do, bad things pop up. I become anxious, angry and frustrated. Deep down, below that absurd self-limiting belief is a deeper knowledge that I'm not being congruent, that my compromising of my sexuality is unhealthy, that this second-class thinking is literally destroying my life and my ability to enjoy my life.

The closest I came to fully realizign my potential was the last ex before my wife. We had wild screaming sex. It was insanely good. She wanted me to lead, and I did, and I led her to amazing places. And it was with her, in those moments, that I found inner peace. I was connected with that life force. I was complete.

I still don't think she was THE ONE, but that is the kind of sexual relationship that I need and deserve. Then find the one (or ones, and I'm becoming more and more convinced I'm just not happy being monogamous, and never will be) who has the other qualities I desire and find complete relationship fulfillment.

Part of me is shaking my head. I can't believe I've come to the place where I'm rejecting everything I used to believe in so deeply, that goes so squarely against how I was raised and social norms, but on the other hand I feel like I'm finally being honest with myself.

I am a powerfully sexual man. I deserve an awesome sex life.

First Exercise

At first I wasn't going to post this and then I realized that's the very mentality that's gotten me into this mess. It's time to get real, so here goes...

What are you afraid of admitting?

I’m not good at sports. I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m a good-looking guy with a lot to offer who is afraid of women and who isn’t getting what I want. I chose the wrong career. I don’t like being monogamous. I’m lonely. I’m needy. I’m shy and awkward around people. I’m a geek. I don’t want to admit I’m not sure what to do socially. I love sex and being sexual. I’m having an affair.

What are you running away from?

I’m running away from the life I really want. I’m running away from the “Geek of the Week” award. I’m running away from loneliness, so I don’t have to face the fact that I’m a loser. I’m running away from the disapproval of my mom. I’m running away from the people who will make fun of me or put me down. I’m running away from embarrassment. I’m running away from rejection.

What ideals are you clinging to too tightly?

The ideal that the best relationship is monogamous. The ideal of marriage as the best relationship. The ideal of the virgin girlfriend. The ideal that life is supposed to be fair and that there should be justice in the world. The ideal that if you put a lot of effort into a relationship, the other person will do the same. That women are perfect and have everything together in their lives. The ideal that if you patiently wait your turn your time will come. That the prototypical family life is happy and rewarding and the best possible lifestyle.

What do you need to realize and accept?

Women are sexual creatures. That I need to assert myself, make things happen, and speak up if I am to get what I deserve in life. I am a powerful sexual man. I am a hot, sexy man who attracts women, but I’m going to need to make the effort to get the women I want. That I cannot force a relationship to work. That attraction and sexuality begins and ends with me, and I need to work on myself if I want to be more fulfilled. That I want to fuck a lot of different women, and fuck them really well. That I want to express myself sexually and that there’s nothing wrong with this. That sex is natural and my desires and needs are completely normal, natural and healthy. That even if I succeed in making my wife multiple orgasmic and having a fantastic sex life, there are still deep and possibly incurable problems with my marriage.

Where do you accept second-rate thinking in yourself?

In my career – that this is good enough and it pays the bills. In my marriage – that if I placate her and buy myself some time things will work themselves out. In my sex life – that I should learn to suppress my sex drive or hide my true sexual self, or that I don't deserve an awesome sex life. In social interactions – that I have nothing to say, that I can’t approach women, that I’m afraid of women. That sex is wrong or being sexual is dirty or unappealing.

Where are you not being authentic?

In my social interactions – too passive and following the herd. In my marriage – not being the sexual man I really am, not leading, comparing myself to her exes, jealousy. My suppression of my hobbies. My being a married “family man” when that’s not who I am. My career – slouching off and muddling through, doing something that isn’t me and isn’t what I want to be doing. Having an affair. Pretending to be athletic so I seem like a “jock.”

Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself?

Having an affair. Covering up or excusing an unfulfilling marriage. Not standing up for what I want in terms of hobbies or use of my time and/or money. Being in a career that isn’t who I am or what I want to be doing. Trying to make mommy happy instead of making myself happy.

What are you hiding?

I’m hiding that I’m having an affair, that I want to fuck a bunch of women instead of being in an "ideal relationship." I was hiding the relationship with the “other woman,” which was before my wife, from my family, as well as the others. I’m hiding that I like women that mommy wouldn’t approve of. I’m hiding that I’m a nerd and that I’m smart. I’m hiding that I’d really like to be a mac daddy and a sex freak, that I’d like to screw a bunch of women, not be in a monogamous relationship, and deeply explore my sexuality. I’m hiding that I want to come in my wife’s mouth and have her fuck me up the ass with a dildo. I’m hiding that I don’t like my career path. I’m hiding that I’m not good at sports by giving myself an athletic physique.

Why are you hiding?

I don’t want to end my marriage or be seen as a jerk who cheats on women. I don’t want to hurt her unnecessarily. I’m scared to death of being alone. I don’t want to be seen as a bad man or a neglectful father for wanting to be with a bunch of different women instead of staying with my wife in a family arrangement. I’m a failure as a man if I’m not the perfect family man and I don’t want to be a failure as a man. I don’t want my parents to disapprove of me. I don't want to disappoint people. I don't want to hurt people - I've hurt people enough. I don't want my kids to grow up hating me. I don’t want people to think I’m dirty or a perv, or that I’m secretly gay because of my kinky desires. I don’t want to lose my job, be broke and have to start all over in another career not knowing what I want to do next. I don’t want people to laugh and make fun of me because I’m a nerd. Girls don’t like nerdy guys. Girls like the jocks, so I want them to think I’m a jock. I don’t want to see myself as one of those cheesy swingers.

Visualization: Where I Want to Be (and where I am)

This is the current script of where I'm going - the goal. I add my comments of where I am now in bold parentheses.

I wake up in the morning feeling good about my day, happy with my life and filled with a sense of purpose. My thoughts focus on the positive.
(For the last year I've been waking up in the morning angry. Angry at my wife, angry at my situation, angry that I'm up so damn early instead of sleeping like normal people. It's such a negative, destructive way to be. So I start each morning focusing on this goal, my affirmations and on being happy and excited about my day - this is SO important!)

I wake up every morning feeling sexually powerful and fulfilled. I know I am living in a completely different world than average men, one where I give the deserving woman I’m with incredible orgasmic pleasure. I am never at a lack or frustrated. My world is overflowing with pleasure and delight. I am completely comfortable with my strong, powerful sexuality and enjoy sharing it with a deserving, sexual woman. I may be basking in the afterglow on this morning or taking a break, but I am always fulfilled and satisfied.
(I don't feel fulfilled. Sexually, this marriage is SO far from fulfilling it's depressing. This dragged me down like a giant lead weight over the past year. So I've reframed the situation so that my sexuality and this sex life - which is certainly NOT what I want - are separate. At some point, after I've achieved a certain level of growth, I may end this marriage over this issue, but it'll be for the right reasons and not out of a negative place. I'm turning a negative into a positive, and that's a big accomplishment. But my current sex life is terrible, make no bones about it.)

Sex is not optional or something I have when I’m fortunate. It is a natural, consistent, joyful and necessary part of life. I respect myself enough to give women the best pleasure imaginable and to only accept for myself a truly fulfilling and satisfying sex life. I never compromise, bargain away or otherwise diminish my powerful sex life. My sexuality is a part of who I am, I’m proud of my sexuality and I give and expect only the best in my sex life.
(Obviously, I'm NOT giving myself this. I absolutely have bargained, compromised, excused and dimished my sex life. But what I have done is decided that, while my wife might be content with me being her walking, talking vibrator, I'm going to continue to grow sexually. I bought the David Shade program - yes, me - and I believe everything he says because I've seen it in the past myself. I just didn't know how to put it all together, to "make it happen," instead of leaving it to chance. Now I know. So if the wife decides she wants to stay lame, I know the next woman, or harem, will get a fantastic lover.)

I present myself in the morning with a sense of purpose and pride. I look and dress my best, to show my best self to the world. My hair is styled well, my face is clean, breath fresh, nails trimmed, smell good and ensure all details are taken care of. This isn’t vanity, it’s about presenting myself as the hot, sexy awesome catch of a man that I am.
(I do this. This is just putting it in the proper frame.)

When going about my daily routine, I give myself permission to be happy, regardless of how tired I am, what challenges await me at work, or what distractions or annoyances I may encounter during the day.
(I'd been miserable for so long and then the light went on and I realized my happiness is NOT dependent on this marriage or anything else going on in my life. So I just started being happy.)

I eat healthy because I respect my body and want the best. I exercise because I respect my body and strive to show the world a sexy physique. I adore women who have an attractive physique, so I consider this holding up my end of the bargain.
(Since I started my new job, I've been weight lifting almost every morning before work. The results have been nothing short of awesome! At least THAT is working for me.)

I look everybody in the eye and greet them out loud.
(No, I don't. But I'm a lot better. Still a lot of low-voice "hi" crap, but the inner man is starting to emerge from under the inner wimp.)

That little voice that used to make me meek is gone.
(Nope, but it soon will be.)

I initiate conversation. I give genuine compliments freely. This is about respect. It is about showing the world this great guy and letting the world get a taste.
(This is the part I really need to press, because when I do this, the payoff is HUGE. This thing right here is THE biggest hurdle to my social success.)

I approach the day with a sense of humor. I know I have the status to use humor. I share my sense of humor with the world.
(And this goes hand in hand with the part above. I have a sense of humor, but I'm afraid to use it, which is stupid, because when I do, it's magic. Seriously, it's my own bullshit that keeps me from a much more rewarding life.)

At work, I do my work with pride, because I respect myself and my work. Challenges or setbacks don’t ruin my happy mood, because they are only things and part of the job. They are not who I am and I do not take them personally. I treat my boss and coworkers with respect and expect the same from others. I respect where I work and make my work area a positive reflection of myself.
(I still goof off at work, but I am putting a lot more pride into my job. It helps to work at a place I respect and that's worthy of my effort. I'm bad about taking stress from work home with me or letting things get to me. This is a key part of the maturation process. My desk is a mess.)

Throughout my day, I lead. I take the initiative. I am proactive and driven.
(Lately, I've been focusing on being proactive. It just makes my whole life a lot easier and less stressful.)

I love my family and always look out for the best interest of my children. I treat them well and guide them. As a parent, I lead. I do not allow my children, their mothers, my family or anybody else to control me as a parent. I lead, and I do not tolerate disrespect from anyone.
(I've realized that I've been acting like my ex wife's bitch, mostly out of a misguided sense of guilt and the idea that it's easier to cave than to fight. I've also let my older son run me around. This is one area that I NEED to get a handle on, and it's one area that's been a HUGE stumbling block for the marriage. Some of this is the nature of the situation, but a lot is my poor reaction to the challenges that come about.)

I handle things as they come up. I do not complain or discuss my thought process, I simply take care of the situation and let people know I’m handling it. When I don’t know something, I ask for help. I learn things to get better. I take constructive criticism graciously and ignore negativity.
(I've been far too willing to share my thought process instead of just saying "I'll handle it" when I've got it covered. I need to work on taking constructive criticism better and letting the bullshit roll off my back without getting off-cenetered.)

In social situations, I might be gregarious, I might be laid back, but I am always in control of myself, I respect myself and I present myself as the awesome guy that I am. I am sure of myself and completely comfortable in my own skin. I am friendly and comfortable with others and enjoy conversation.
(I'm not even CLOSE to this level yet. This is a huge area for improvement. Being at a place with a lot of people and social activities certainly helps, but I need to make this a priority.)

With women, I recognize that they tend to see me as the hot, sexy man that I am, and I am completely comfortable and accepting of this. I do not get self conscious or succumb to flattery, but simply accept that this is the natural way things are.
(This is a challenge, internalizing the reality that women think I'm hot. So I don't act all weird around hot women, because I'm at their level, and when women give me attention, I don't act like "WOW! A girl is talking to me!" You know, "Act like you've been there.")

I decide where the interaction will go, but I honor and respect the attractive forces at play.
(This means putting aside the inner wimp that says "You can't talk to women because you're married!" I'm ahusband, not a fucking eunich!!)

I don’t shy away from sexuality, but let it grow naturally, if that is the direction I choose for things to go. I know I am a great guy, so whatever any woman thinks of me, whatever happens in any interaction, whatever the outcome, it doesn’t change how I see myself. In any particular interaction, it doesn’t matter what happens.
(Moving toward "outcome independence.")

I know that, over the course of time, I attract an endless supply of beautiful, sexy woman. I accept this reality, knowing that I’ve made myself into the kind of man who deserves beautiful, sexy women in his life.
(In other words, I give myself status and permission.)

What other people are doing or thinking is of no concern to me. I know most people are shackled with limiting beliefs which I don’t have, and these beliefs hamper their ability to enjoy the life I live, so they are either unwilling to accept such a reality for themselves, jealous or judgmental. There are many negative people who seek to drag me down into their personal prisons and I have learned to reject their limited thinking and, if necessary, avoid their company. I live my life for my own happiness and fulfillment, not to please others, even family members whom I love dearly.
(This is perhaps the biggest roadblock on the path to my true success - worrying about what other people think. Pleasing mommy. Pleasing my wife - talk about a wasted effort! Getting grounded and self-validated. Get this handled and lots of other things naturally fall into place.)

And at the end of the day, after having lived another day of happiness, joy, fulfillment and self-respect, I thank God for such a wonderful life and I look at myself in the mirror and smile knowing I’m being the awesome guy whose always been inside me. I might even laugh, thinking about how easy life is when you get rid of all the self-imposed bullshit and bring out that incredible person within.
(Yep. I'm realizing that I've been banging my head against a wall for years and there was a fucking DOOR right there. A door that needs a key, and then you just walk right through.)

Exercises from "On Being a Man"

I'm going through the David DeAngelo "On Being a Man" and I'll share some of the exercises as I go along. Here are two. The first isn't really an "exercise," but it was for me, as I used it to assess where I'm at on the "grid." The second is, and wasn't easy to post, but that's a part of this for me.

Where I’m At (Type of man)

On a Good Day:

“Boy” who can attract women. Spoiled behavior, cheater, manipulator, controlling, jealous, fearful of becoming “Boy who can’t attract women.”

On a Bad Day:
“Boy” who can’t attract women. Low self-esteem, needy, depression, image of “loser.”

Goal:
To become Man Who Attracts Unlimited Supply of Gorgeous Women. Strength, protector, leader, mentor of other men, source of grounding energy, on my purpose, good father, completely comfortable with myself, no neediness or insecurity.

List places where I’ve been unconsciously trying to get the attention and approval of:

Father
Working out at the gym to look athletic
Doing good in school to show I’m smart
Demonstrating my intelligence
Creating a family/ getting married, to show him I can be the man he is
Taking a respectable, conservative job, to show I’m dependable
Showing I’m a good son by marrying the kind of women he would like

Mother
Showing her I’m a good son by marrying the kind of women she would like
Hiding my sexuality, so she doesn’t think I’m bad
Showing her I’m successful in my career so she’ll be proud of me
Creating a family, to show her I’m a good, respectable son, a good father and a real man.
Hiding my financial problems
Hiding my insecurities, to show I’ve got it together and I’m a perfect son
Thinking about how I can live up to her standards

Men
Proving that I am successful with women, to prove I am a man
Working out and getting big and strong, to prove I’m a man
Lowering my status to make them look better
Not being confrontational/ letting them win, to get their approval
Trying to prove I’m better/ being arrogant
Trying to avoid getting beaten up physically or verbally
Giving them status/ ass kissing.

Women
Getting them attracted to me to get their attention, even if I’m not that interested.
Start fights.
Do daredevil “manly” things (I enjoy them, but I did them because “chicks dig it”)
Go to places I really don’t want to go
Do things they want to do
Listen to their complaints/ be their therapist.
Using my looks to get their interest for my own ego.
The way I dress.
Going to the gym/ focus on physique
Cook for them
Clean for them
Pay for things like dinner
Give them massages and other things to “please them,” in hopes of getting attention back
Text them/ call them/ email them to get responses, so I’m getting attention
Controlling behavior
Jealousy
Neediness
Have sex with them to please them so I get the ego boost and more attention

Who do I most look to for approval? Why?
My mom. I want to be the good son. I’ve always seen her as the perfect example of a beautiful, perfect woman, so if I please her, I can please the ideal woman, and then I’ll be perfect.

List the ways I subtly give other power over me by putting them above myself.
Not looking them in the eye
Not speaking out loud to greet people
Calling/ emailing/ texting out of neediness or loneliness
Letting people go ahead of me when they shouldn’t/ supplication
Letting people take advantage of me
Not asserting my wants and needs
Being timid, meek and afraid
Thinking I could never be as good as them
Comparing myself to others
Jealousy

List what I do subtly to try to get attention and approval.
My dress/ jewelry
Displaying my adventurous activities
Arguing/ disagreeing
Get into/ stay in relationships that don’t work
Brag about my dating life
Do nice things with the expectation that they’ll return the favor
String along women I know have feelings for me
Agree with person/ fake interest in their activities or interests
Hide my personality
Be meek

Admit to myself why these things are unhealthy.
I’m not being genuine
I’m letting my assumption of the opinions of others control my behavior
I’m not being honest with others or myself
I’m being manipulative
I’m not going after what I really want, need and desire in life
I’m not giving myself the chance to find the relationships I want
I’m not treating others or myself with respect
I’m not being me

Mentally and emotionally let go of them
I let go of the need for attention and approval from my mother
I let go of the need for attention and approval from my father
I let go of the need for attention and approval from other men
I let go of the need for attention and approval from women

I accept and assert my own genuine wants, needs and life path without apology or permission from others. I value myself based on my unique life mission and goals, not on my perception of what others want from me. I know that the people who will bring happiness into my life will value and accept the me that I really am and I do not need to change to please them. I look to myself for value and fulfillment and love others for who they are.

Allow myself to mature and become a healthy adult man who can respond consciously instead of reacting unconsciously.

So how are the affirmations working?

In the previous post, I listed my current affirmations. They're bold, they cut straight to the chase, and they run counter to all the little voices in my head that tell me differently.

And, unlike the voices, they're 100% TRUE. Those affirmations are not a fantasy or a wish, but REALITY.

So how are they working? Sad to say, I've been surprised at how well they're working. Sad? Yes, because that means I haven't accepted the truth, so I have a long ways to go to changing who I am at the core, becoming congruent with reality and achieving high status and self esteem.

What I've noticed is that, when I relax and accept these affirmations, I'm naturally doing things that are in line with those affirmations. I'm making strong eye contact with everybody. I'm fiding myself saying hello to people outloud, instead of muttering it meekly. I'm finding myself holding eye contact and saying hello to attractive women, before I even have a chance to think about it.

Then the next thing I notice is that inner wimp comes in and tries to suppress me! I can feel that inner wimp and hear the bullshit he's saying - oh, you can't talk outloud like that, people might notice you! (DUH - that's the IDEA!) So the inner wimp is still mostly in control, but he's weakened and the inner man is shining through. Over time, the inner man will win out most of the time and then the inner wimp will no longer have control, I'll be seeing huge success, and the wimp will shrivel up and die, since he has no use once he loses power.

I also notice attractive women are looking at me and checking me out. Sadly, the inner wimp is right there thinking "wow, look at all these beautiful women checking me out!" God, I HATE that wimpy little boy - why the fuck did I put him in charge?? Again, DUH!! I'm a hot, sexy man, of COURSE the women are going to look! What, beautiful women don't have eyes and don't appreciate a sexy guy?

My wife is beautiful and she thinks I'm sexy. In fact, I'm frustrated because she wants me so bad she won't let me do foreplay. She's horny for me and wants to get off hard and fast, which she does, BECAUSE SHE IS TURNED ON BY ME! Just because I'm frustrated with our sex life doesn't make me any less sexy. Acting wimpy and not accepting the attraction of beautiful women, on the other hand... THAT'S a big turn-off.

I've also noticed in general that I hold myself more confidently. I don't get as self-conscious in "awkward" social situations, I initiate conversations more, I speak more loudly. I'm also more decisive and proactive in my work and in general.

Sexually, I've gotten rid of a LOT of outcome dependence. Whether we have sex or not, doesn't matter. I don't get frustrated or angry about not having sex, I keep my power. I'm more assertive about offering things and talking dirty.

And an interesting side effect recently - I've started bringing my sexual excitement into my body. That's COOL! Instead of worrying about getting excited and thinking I'm going to come too soon, I enjoy the excitement and, when I'm relaxed, can channel it through my body, which feels WONDERFUL. The only thing is, since the wife wants to get off quick and finish, there isn't a lot of opportunity to fully explore this and see just how much pleasure I can absorb and what it would feel like to come when I've reached my limit. (And, yes, I would LOVE to enjoy this kind of tantric experience with my wife, but when you only have a ten minute window, you really don't have time to play around with tantra... hopefully she'll come around, so to speak.)

Recently, though, I was able to absorb the energy and keep doing somethign that was really stimulating for both of us, so instead of just having her "one and done," she was able to build and have a second very intense orgasm, which was cool. For her, having me give her two orgasms in one session makes me an incredible lover. By my standards, though, it's pretty lame.

But instead of getting down on myself and thinking there's something wrong with me, comparing myself to her exes or otherwise going to the "dark side," I've reframed that. Now my belief is that, although she's far more experienced, I'm more evolved sexually. Right now she is only ready for this much pleasure. I know women are capeable of far more, but she's very happy with this. Over time, I may be able to lead her into more and more pleasure, especially since I now have the tools to do that, instead of just leaving it up to chance. But at any rate, I can be secure in my own sexual abilities and allow her to be happy with her current level of pleasure and slowly add more to the mix. Like a second orgasm. And then a third. And then vaginal orgasms. And then real honest-to-goodness multiple orgasms, not serial orgasms.

So bottom line, my self esteem is coming in line with my reality, which is causing these very cool subconscious changes. I've got a ways to go, but this is a good start.

Current Affirmations and Thought Processes

My affirmations are in "pairings," the second one complementing the first.

First set:

I believe I am a hot, sexy man. I believe I attract and deserve an unlimited supply of gorgeous women.

Second Set:

I believe I am a powerfully sexual man. I believe I give deserving women incredible orgasmic pleasure.

My personal Q&A dialogue about these affirmations:

Why are you affirming that you're attractive to an "unlimited supply of women" when you're married and still committed to making the marriage work?

Simple. Focusing on women and attraction in general is empowering. It reinforces I have options. It dispels neediness. It projects attraction and disassociation from any particular outcome. Focusing on a woman, even one who I've promised to spend the rest of my life with, is disempowering. It puts the focus on one person and her moods and opinion. Since this exercise is about building up myself, the focus of the affirmations needs to be toward the reality that I'm an attractive man and away from the wants, wishes and whims of any other person in particular. To have power, you need to be outcome independent. This is one of the hard lessons I've learned being in a marriage, balancing personal power with the need to share, nurture and depend on your spouse.

And finally, the focus right now HAS to be on making myself a better man. Until I get that handled, an effort to fix the marriage will inevitably fail.

So the affirmation isn't a wish to cheat on my wife with lots of other women?

No. After getting to the point where I'm a powerful, independent man, I very well might look at the situation and decide I'd be happier as a player. On the other hand, my having a full set of testicles might be just what the marriage needs. It's about being congruent with the man that I am, being sexy on the inside and outside.

What's the deal with the sexuality set?

I've repressed my natural sexuality in this marriage. I've let her take the lead - a HUGE mistake, even if it was well-intentioned. I have allowed myself to feel I am unworthy of being a strong sexual man, that this is just the way marriages are.

That's all bullshit. My sex drive is a blessing. It should be nurtured and encouraged to grow, not suppressed. Whether she's tired, lame or whatever, I should see myself for the sexual man that I am and honor that. I shouldn't compromise or dimish something that is a natural and essential part of my being. That's why the focus is on "giving women pleasure," not focued exclusively on my wife, because again that's outcome-dependent. I need to be sexually powerful apart from whatever she's going through on any given day.

I am the man. I need to be the man in this relationship, take control and lead my wife through incredible sexual experiences. I need to unleash my own sexuality and let out that inner freak. I need to give women the ability to unleash their sexual animal. I need to let go of limiting beliefs and bad self-images that have been holding me back.

This is a natural, beautiful thing, not some "base" thing that is dirty, energy-sucking or wrong.

How are the sex affirmations empowering?

Sex is at the root of who we are. For those who understand chakras, where is the "root chakra?" How important is a healthy root system in a tree's development? Without a strong, thriving, powerful sexuality, you can forget all about growing as a man. If you want to change into a real man, a powerful man, you have to start from the bottom up and that means tending to the root.

Aren't these affirmations arrogant?

Why, because other people choose to limit themselves by selling themselves short or suppressing their sexuality? I guess to people who think everybody should muddle through being average these affirmations would seem over the top. But to a person with good self esteem, these would be accepted as unquestioned truth. The fact so few people ever even attempt to seek this level says more about the failed state of society than it does about my sense of self-worth. Everybody else can use these affirmations in their own life and the world would be a better place. How is anybody hurt by someone feeling good about themself?